Across the Continuum

Cheating on your self declared sexual identity creates a lot of confusion.  You must come to terms with it.  The brain is malleable and like learning to speak a new language we can speak both homo and hetero (perhaps with a detectable accent) regardless of our self-professed identity.

In the article the author states:

Queerness has always been my anchor. It’s inextricably tied to my politics, religious beliefs, artistic sensibilities, and history. It’s the one facet of my identity that’s remained constant since childhood. As long as I’ve been me, I’ve loved women, and I’ve never been quite sure how men fit into the equation. Realizing that my attraction to Paul was real made me start to redefine my queerness in a way that would include him.

She seems unsettled to find attraction to the opposite sex because of her previous emotional investment.  You can be sure as the sun will rise, her attraction for Paul will eventually evaporate permanently because what she seeks is novelty.

Last year, Paul and I started attending play parties and exploring polyamory. Initially, we pursued it with the intent of meeting and sleeping with other women, but at our first party, I met two queer-identified men who caught my eye: Jared and Adam. I was instantly attracted to them and had no idea what to make of that, so I played down my interest during that first meeting. Once I got to know them and realized the attractions were mutual, though, I decided if I was ever going to explore the depths of my attraction to men, now was the time.

It’s all about the author, she is the center of the known universe.  And if there is any doubt as to this she clears it right up in the final paragraph.

This process isn’t over. I’m still struggling to accept that I’m truly bisexual, not gay. I’m still struggling to accept my place as a straight-presenting married woman in the LGBT community. But I’m finally accepting the broad range of people and acts that turn me on. I’m not attracted to most men I’ve met, and the fact that none of my male partners are entirely straight is no accident. But I know now that Paul isn’t an exception. He’s the most special person in my life, but he’s not the only man I like in bed. Now, when Paul and I have sex, I don’t hold back. I’m present and I’m accepting of my enjoyment.

At some point the novelty will wear off and Paul will be history.  It won’t be because the tingle is gone; it will be because Paul failed in some way.  He wasn’t supportive enough, he didn’t meet her needs or “he just doesn’t get it.”  She will spin a wonderful story and the rationalization hamster will be working overtime in the wheel.  I could be wrong in my prediction but of this observation I am not:  All the characters in her story are just bit actors, mere props in her life’s journey.  It’s pretty rare for someone so thoroughly self-absorbed, so solipsistic,  to have a successful long term relationship.



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