Love and Gay Men

There is an article on why gay men don’t believe in love.  He lists a variety reasons, to wit, “We Still Don’t Understand ‘Happily Ever After'”, “We Don’t Have As Many Role Models” etc. There is one reason missing, an alternate explanation, which is just as likely.  Because you are both the same sex, you do not complete each other in a way that a man and a woman do.  You assume that the love that exists between two romantic partners is itself gender neutral, that there is nothing unique about the love between a man and a woman.  There are all kinds of love in the world, the love for friends, for our parents, siblings, erotic love, love for nature, love for God and so forth.  On the dark side there are all kinds of pathologies that cause love to fail narcissism, selfishness, solipsism, lack of empathy and the like.  All of these prevent a person from loving because they are focused on the self and not the person.  Self-love can be beneficial but it is also a poison leading to selfishness.  Even if you eliminate the deleterious effects of those pathologies, if your ideal for love is the love that occurs between men and women in marriage then perhaps you’re using the wrong standard.  One can pursue “marriage equality” but from first principles it will not be the same no matter how accepting the background culture is.

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